Sweet Dreams are Made of This

I finally thought of what I want as my birthday gift next month. I shall drop the bomb on DH.

This morning, he told me he had a loooong dream. He dreamt that a baby kept following us. In that dream, he couldn't tell if it was a baby girl or boy. Baby fell asleep in my arms eventually.

I guess DH wants this as badly as I do.

A Blissful Week

The whole of last week was godsend. Maybe it was a good idea that we canned the Aussie trip. But to be out of the country might have been better. Anyhow, I have not slept in for the longest time. Last week, I got up everyday at close to 1030am! I'm just surprised I didn't have any difficulty getting up and hitting the gym this morning.

Maybe it was my mind telling me that I somehow need to drag myself to the gym with all the feasting last week. I cooked quite a bit during our week off, and it was so much fun.

Proscuitto Cups

I've made wanton cups in the past before, with shrimps and minced meat toppings. But saw this recipe online and decided to try. Because I've returned my muffin trays to my sister, and the ones I originally owned were huge, the proscuitto wasn't large enough to form a cup per se, it was pretty darn tasty for happy hour munchies.

Apple Crumble

Our friends invited us for dinner and she made this lovely apple crumble. I got inspired and went searching for a recipe. I never liked apples but the combination of apples and cinnamon is absolutely divine. I'm still trying to figure out how to make it less... crumbly.

From top anti-clockwise: spaghetti vongoles, grilled peppers, oven-baked ribs

Call me a copycat, but whenever I taste something delicious, I always get inspired to try it and add my own flavour to it. I had this beautiful pasta at my sis' and really wanted to try it. Pasta is the hubs specialty but i wanted to give it a try. A small teaspoon of chilli flakes and a quick drizzle of truffle oil makes it so divine. 

I'm also still trying to perfect the ribs. There are too much charred bits, which I usually love. But I don't think our guests would like it?

Non-baked strawberry cheesecake

The batter, is simply put, to die for. I've had yet another inspiration stemmed from this dessert and can't wait to try it when we next have guests over.

Paella

Towards the end of our holiday, we were getting a little depressed about heading back to work. I wanted to do something different, something I'd never think of trying. The hubs wanted me to do the pasta again, but I don't like to have the same dish consecutively. God knows where and how "paella" somehow floated into my mind and I went on Jamie Olivier's website to see if he has the recipe. He has the bestest and easiest recipes for the most complicated looking dish. There were many negative comments on his website on how this ain't authentic paella, he shouldn't even call it paella.. etc etc. But seriously, for an amateur cook like me, I don't really care if its authentic or not, as long as it taste good! And boy, all I can say is, when the Hubs tasted it, he said he's considering letting me be a full time housewife. This, coming from a man who always wanted me to work (asshole!).

Dream a Little Dream of Me..

A dear friend texted me, "I dreamt that you have a baby girl!".

I grinned so widely at her text.

"Yay!!" was my reply.

She added, "you were telling me over the phone that she keeps crying"

Woah... phantom baby already has a character. I love silly conversations like this. Makes me happy. And hopeful.

Mind Over Matter

Charting BBT is actually fun. Well, not the physicality of it, but seeing the fluctuations and pattern.

So those parenting/pregnancy websites and forums are not lying. You do see the dip before ovulation, and then the rise. Interesting.

Hopefully the charting and the TCM helps. It could be psychological, but this cycle is kinda a breeze. The week of PMS was barely noticeable, I did not have any difficulties getting out of bed in the mornings, nor was the day-one cramp unbearable like usual.

Fingers crossed.

On another note, I do feel that there is a reason why I'm still not pregnant. The mind was not in the right state. There's the distractions coming from all over the place and I wasn't sure myself what I wanted. But now, I am almost 100% certain about who I am, what I want, and how I want to lead my life.

Hopefully, with this way-delayed epiphany, my little bump will come soon.

The Green-Eyed Monster

When I found out a friend was pregnant, I was so happy for her. But I also couldn't help but feel so disappointed that I wasn't pregnant yet. It took all of me to not show my disappointment as it was her moment.

I am truly happy for her, but I am also very jealous. I guess it has to do with the fact that I'm competitive by nature. I've always excelled in school, at work, but now.... zilch. Of course, I'm not competing against my friends, I'm just impatient. Didn't helped when I tried to subtly asked if DH would consider checking in with a doctor. His response, a flat "not yet".

When, oh when, is your answer going to be, "ok"?

Back to the Grind

When I decided to start blogging on my journey to the bump, I had semi-high hopes and was somewhat desperate. I thought I'd done anything and everything I could, but looking back, I didn't. I did buy those ovulation strips - which incidentally I still have a bunch sitting at home - but I'd only religiously used them for 1 cycle perhaps. I did buy a BBT thermometer, but for the charting to be effective, you have to take your temps every morning around the same time. Needless to say, I didn't have the discipline to wake up at 6am over the weekends just to take my temps. So, I really can't said I've tried hard enough, except to assume a particular week would be my fertile week.

When I decided to "abandon" my blog, I was absolutely demotivated. I wanted to somehow take the relaxed approach, ie "not-trying-not-preventing" way, and more importantly, not care or think about it. Tricking myself to think that this would work, since it's been proven many times by others. Unfortunately, after a few months of that, I began to feel discouraged.

Now, this blog post is probably the indication of me trying to get back to the grind again. I went to a TCM the other day - she came highly recommended by a friend. It wasn't cheap, but I got motivated to try it. A day later, a friend who's been married for awhile finally got pregnant. I felt so happy for her, but also depressed that the bun in my oven is missing.

What a whirlwind week so far. I think I know why I wasn't able to successfully conceived in the past. I have my theories. And I'm eager to change it, mainly via how I control my thoughts. I'm confident I can do it. It will happen.

Meanwhile, 20 more days of bitter chinese medicine until the next visit with the Doctor.

What Are The Odds?

I am afraid of lizards. Scratch that, I am terrified. Damnit, terrified seems like an understatement.

I think I might know the reason for this phobia. See, I grew up with three older sisters and for some reason, every time one of them spots a lizard, the entire house is filled with screams. And then a lot of jumping and running around. Best part, if we hear someone screams, we all start running away from that source. We know what that scream means. Yes, it was frantic and chaotic.

As the years passed, I think lizards = screams. You see one, you scream. You hear someone screaming because of one, you scream and run.

Maybe the lizards (I just can't type the word without cringing) can detect the cortisol level and perhaps attracted to it. Because I swear they are attracted to me, or I attract them, or they get a kick from my screaming. Whatever.

Every single time DH goes away on a business trip, I have to deal with an unexpected guest in my house. Every goddamn time! Even after having him check the house before leaving.

Last night, I had to deal with it again - I was getting ready for bed but wanted a glass of water. That thing was one the wall when I stepped out of the room and my first reaction wasn't even a scream. I groaned. It took me 20 minutes, 3/4 can of pesticide and pesticide-covered floor to kill that thing. And then another 10 minutes to make sure its dead, and got rid of it.

By then end of the whole debacle, my shirt was soaked in sweat, body tensed and I was still shaking. The fear hits me and I couldn't sleep. Each time I closed my eyes, I see that damn thing wriggling. Arghhhh.

What are the odds of this happening every time he goes away?! I swear the easiest way to murder me is really to lock me in a room full of those things.

DH is back on Thurs, so god help me please. I've ran out of pesticide. Please.