Say Cheese!

Hey Ernie, where's Bert? Or Bradley?

My favourite piece  from Carters. Simply too adorable

Hi baby, are you comfortable in there?

Decisions, Decisions

I've been involved in interviewing 2 positions within my office over the last two weeks. The thing that struck me while conducting these interviews, besides the fact that there are really all sorts and kinds of different people around, is how many women are willing to sacrifice for their family and children.

Yesterday, I had a chat with a new colleague who is a mother of two. She took 2 years off work when her son was born. My first question to her was, did she find it difficult to get back to the workforce, and for her, no. Obviously she took a bit of pay cut but I think that was to be expected. Today, I interviewed a lady who left the corporate world for 10 years! She was very thankful to be given a job at a very renowned research firm after 2 years of job search. The sacrifices these mothers made for their children made me think hard again about my hesitation to be a SAHM. All that I've met said that they have no regrets doing that and if they were to choose again, they will choose the same path. Because the time spent watching their kids grow is so valuable. For me, the pushback factor is whether I can get used to having no personal source of income. Being a SAHM would mean that I have to rely on DH. We've gone through this time and again, with one set of income, its definitely possible but I will have to change my lifestyle a little bit.

I think I should be able to make a better decision during the 16 weeks maternity leave. Let's see.

Type A Personality... Or Not?

I don't think I am a Type A... but I seem to possess some typical characteristics of a Type A personality:

☒           Highly independent

☒           Take charge

☐           Decisive

☐           Direct

☐           Business-like

☒           Ambitious

☒           Efficient

☐           Motivated

☐           Persistent

☒           Focused

☐           Risk-taking

☒           Practical-solution oriented

☐           Dislike routine

☐           High achieving

☐           No nonsense

☒           Multi-tasking

☒           Dateline driven

☐           Change oriented

Weaknesses of Type A:

☐           Aggressive

☒           Controlling

☒           Too competitive

☒           Impatient

☒           Status conscious

☐           High strung

☐           Workaholic

☐           Insensitive

☐           Walk or talk at a rapid pace

☒           Easily upset over small things

☐           Blunt

☐           Rushed and time starved

Those that I've checked, are those I think I possessed. So while I don't think I'm a pure Type A, the anal part of me has got some elements of it. I'm definitely a control freak and with this impending birth of Bradley, I'm feeling so out of control as I don't know when he decides to say hello to the world. All I can do is to make sure that I'm well prepared for his arrival. But that said, no matter how prepared you think you are, you never really will be, don't you think?

An ex-colleague and I were chatting on Skype the other day, she asked me how far along I am and told me to start packing my hospital bag. Then she added immediately, "oh but knowing you, I'm sure your bags are packed already". Not sure if I should take it as a compliment or she thinks I'm kiasu by nature.

Anyway, besides packing the hospital bag, having the admission letter ready in my handbag daily, washing baby's clothes and the necessary laundry, sterilizing the milk bottles and pumps, what else is there?

I've also placed 2 old towels in our car, just in case of my waterbag leaking and the last I want DH to do is worry about cleaning the car up. Went and bought some night maxi pads and more disposable underwear to keep a set in my handbag in case, again, should my waterbag burst while I'm at work or out. This way, I don't have to make my way to the hospital with leaky bottom and wet undies. 

What else? What else? Help the control freak me in me feel more in control please.

4-Day Week.. Hallelujah

The thing that got me out of bed this morning was the thought of a 4-day work week this week. Other than that, I know this week is gonna be shitty being the closing week of Q1 and I was already pissed off with work from last week. DH kept reminding me, don't let work or your colleagues affect you  nor Bradley. I try, I try. Had a dream last night about fighting with another coworker, it is really stupid how work should be bothering me at this stage. I have to keep reminding myself..... zen, calm and deep breaths. More importantly, none of these should matter anymore.. or rather.. eventually.

Anyway, the past weekend, we didn't do much. I was tired. We did make a run to the grocery store to stock up on food supplies so that we didn't have to leave home at all on Sunday. But all these cooking is beginning to take a toll on me - I have a chair now that I sits on while waiting for a dish to cook. By the end of dinner, i.e. after washing up and stuff, my feet looks red and raw. But then I get a nice foot rub from DH... ah... bliss.

We moved the cot into our room yesterday. I've decided to let B room in with me for the first month for the convenience of feeding. If we thought seeing the cot in his nursery was surreal, seeing it in our room is even more unbelievable.

Last week, I bought an A3 size whiteboard for the purpose of counting down to meeting Bradley. Gives me an activity to do every morning!

It is now less than 34 days. 

Mood: Dejected

Had a massive fight with DH this morning. I hate it when we fight, I don't feel good, but sometimes you can't help it. And when the cause of the fight is something silly, it makes it worse. Anyhoo, it's water under the bridge now.

I think I'm feeling the emotional stress now. He told me yesterday that he has to make a one-night trip with his boss to BKK because of a staff resignation there, and this will take place when I'm 36w. Theoretically, it's fine, we don't think and hope B doesn't arrive that early. But seeing how many mummies have already popped, the worry freak in me can't help but wonder what if he misses the birth of his first son? Not only will he be so upset with himself, I will too. I need him in the labour ward. I think all these are kinda uncalled for, but I can't help worry about it. From today onwards, I'll keep talking to Bradley and tell him to be good, wait till the time is right before he decides to come out. Daddy needs to be around for the grand finale.

Sighs... At my 39w of pregnancy, his president from the head office wants to visit their customers in India as it's a huge market for them. I know he feels stuck between his job and the birth of his son, but I also know he has his priorities set and that his son is more important. I just hate for him to be in this dilemma. All these are unknowingly giving me nightmares at night. I don't dare tell him about the nightmares for fear of him feeling more stressed.

Argghhhh.....

Lunch Date

DH and I had lunch together today - a rarity and I loved it. He wanted to drop the car off for me so that I can go home earlier and not wait for him to pick me as he might have to work later than usual. With his increasingly heavy workload and hints from the boss, looks like he's in for more OT and traveling after baby arrives. He's planned not to drive at all during my maternity leave and will take the train - it's easy for him  because it's a straight line to his workplace, unlike mine where I have to change and walk quite a bit.

Anyway it was nice to have lunch with DH occasionally and I told him, I'll bring Bradley to have lunch with him the next time. It'll be nice. :)

Prenatal Appointment at 34w2d

So we went to see Dr W today. I was so surprised I haven't put on weight since the last visit. I was telling DH in the car today I'm sure my weight will increase because I've been kinda constipated for the last 2 days and I ate so much over the weekend! But it was exactly the same as the last visit, K the clinic assistant asked commented on my surprise and happiness.

Bradley was sleeping today I think, not very active and hence we couldn't see much. His head is down, hands and legs near and his back on my right. I think he's probably in a crouching position? Poor thing he's been in this position for a month or more already! He's weighing a little over 2.3kg and Dr W said he's growing fine, but asked about my weight gain or lack of. I told her my appetite is fine, I tend to watch what I eat and she's not concerned so long baby's growing and trending well. The 2 clinic assistants, on the other hand, seems to be more worried and asked if I'm drinking milk and eating enough. Told me I wouldn't want to have too small a baby... got me worried a little at first. But hey, if doctor's not worried, I shouldn't! I'll promise to eat a bit more food and make sure they're nutritional.

Also had some concerns about episiotomy, which is basically a cut between the vagina and anus to enlarge the opening. I asked Dr W if this is something that's inevitable or if anything I can do to prevent it. She told me her practice is not to perform episiotomy if possible, as she finds that the healing process for the natural tear is faster and less painful than if one is being performed. Of course, if she notices during the labour that the tear is going haywire, i.e. tearing towards the front or side, she'll make the cut. Her observations are us Asians tend to stretch lesser in that area as compared to the Westerners, but she'll try to avoid it whenever possible. Good to know. Some people do perineum massage, but she doesn't think it's helpful at all. This is why I like Dr W - she's very truthful and honest.

So apparently the menses-like cramps I've been experiencing (not frequently) are Braxton Hicks - the false contractions. I knew the tightening of my abs were BH, but I wasn't sure of the cramps.

Next visit in 2 weeks, then it will be weekly visits!! OMG!