Say Hello to the Flickering Light

So the day finally came. The big day of our first prenatal appointment and first meeting with our baby. I've been so tensed up over this day and couldn't wait for it to come sooner. The 'what-ifs' keep popping into my mind - what if doctor sensed something is wrong? What is doctor can't detect the heartbeat? What if there isn't a baby afterall?

After 3 weeks of waiting, I can finally breathe.

We waited for almost 45 minutes till our turn to see the doctor. As usual, Dr W is so friendly and smiley that she puts me at ease instantly. When she said, "ok let's go and have a look!", I think my heart skipped a beat. And one thing happened after another, I was going through motion. "Leave your bag here, remove your shoes, pull your pants down a little, lie here..". I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move, all I did was stare at the screen in front of me. Please, please, please let there be a heartbeat.

I figured the first thing the gynaes usually do is to look for the heartbeat, as that was the first thing she said, "there's the heartbeat". I couldn't see or hear anything after that. All I know was this little flickering light was flickering at a fast, constant speed and nothing else mattered at that point. I cried tears of relief. DH looked at me and smiled. Dr W continued to move around, looking for the best position to take the crown to rump measurement, checking the water bag and its surrounding. It was over before I know it, the nurse whisked me up. I pouted internally, I still want to see my flickering light.

But, it's an image I will never ever forget.