Misconceptions About SAHMs

For the first time since B was born, I had a good 6 hours sleep. He went to bed at around 8pm and slept till 545am this morning for milk, and now back to sleep. He did stir in the middle of the night twice, once searching for his pacifier and another just tossing a little before being patted back to sleep. Whilst he started more or less sleeping through, i.e 5 hours or more, I never had more than 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep, because I'd always had to wake up at certain times to pump, if not to feed. So no doubt it's weird for both DH and I to be sitting at the balcony at 630am in the morning, reading the papers and having our morning coffee while every other household is still sleeping, we're thankful for last night's good night rest!

There are some misconceptions or stereotype surrounding SAHMs, and I hope to be able to rebutt some of these, although I haven't been one for long.

"You probably don't earn a lot, so it probably don't make much of a difference if you stay home. It will be a waste for me if I don't work, considering my monthly salary"

 

Perhaps you won't say this to my face, but I know you're thinking about it. And I know of people who were actually being told this. Sister, let me tell you something. Take a good look at the SAHMs out there, I'll wager more than 80% of them are degree holders and many with Masters or PhD. Giving up our monthly salary, a managerial position, attendance at chi-chi black tie events is our choice. Whether you make $1000 or $10,000 every month, it means your husband will have that additional financial burden. Every single cent makes a difference. Don't judge us or belittle us.

"Wahh... SAHM ah? Good life leh, I also want to be a tai tai"

I'll be the first to admit I used to think this way too. In fact, I used to chant this to DH every other day, "I want to be tai-tai, I don't want to work... I want to be tai-tai, I don't want to work..." I even promised him home cooked food every day on top of caring for our little one. 

I hate to burst your bubble, but SAHM is SAHM, she is not a tai tai, yet. You probably will not have more than 5 hours of sleep every night, your life is all about caring for your child, in my case, my 4-month old. "Has he poo-ed today? Why is his poo this colour/texture? Why he's not drinking? Why is he so grouchy and not smiling at me?" or worse, "why is he sleeping through the night, is he not hungry?"

A SAHM probably needs an intensive treatment at the hair salon because her hair looks terrible. Little wonder why hairbands and scrunchy are probably her good friends. Not only does it keep her hair away from baby, it also masks the condition of her hair.

Her fingernails are perpetually short and cuticles and dead skin showing. Her corns and calluses on her feet scream pedicure needed desperately. But if there's one hour of free time, rest is probably more important.

Forget sipping tea and munching on scones, it's more like gobbling and swallowing your food. You have exactly 3.5 minutes to finish your lunch, use the bathroom before baby cries for your attention.

"Don't you feel bored? I bet you can't wait to go back to work"

There are days I wish I was working, not because I'm bored or taking care of my baby, but I think that 8-hours of solitude will do me good. Taking a break from mother duties will make me look forward to the end of the day and spend more time with baby and be in a better state of mind and have more patience.

But, in my 11 years of working, I don't recall having any solitary moments. Yes it is a break from mother duties, but it's not a shut-down break. Dealing with bosses, subordinates, colleagues, clients is probably mentally more demanding. 

Besides, there is never a bored moment with B so far. He's growing so fast every day and learning new skills. Work, solitude and me-time can wait.

There will always be 2 camps of mothers - those who are/want to stay home, and those who can't stay home and needs to work to keep their sanity. I've mentioned before and I will mention again, it's just different way of parenting and no one group better than the other. But I do ask for respect for both groups. Perhaps you might be a sour grape, perhaps you disagree with their decisions, but ultimately, you are not them. Next time someone tells you they are a SAHM or FTWM, give them an encouragement, it will make their day.