If I Had A Nickel For Everytime

.. Someone says "you gotta learn to let go"...

"For your sanity, please do this..."

"Give baby a break.. Cut yourself some slack.."

"Take it easy"

"It will be good for you and baby..."

"You need me-time..."

"Go on a date with your hubby.."

"Don't worry about the household chores"

"Baby's having allergic reaction.. Your house dirty is it? Did you clean the toys?"

I will be very rich. Every comments stemmed from good intentions but sometimes they do more harm than good.

I have had me-time, I prefer time with baby though he drives me nuts at times. If I really had to, I know I could.

Dates with hubby- we both prefer to bring bb along and are happier this way. We have our romantic date nights at home after bb is asleep over a good bottle of wine, snuggling on the couch an watch a movie, then dozing off together and dragging our feet back to the bedroom.

Nonetheless, I still thank you for your remarks. At least you cared.

Well on a brighter side, it seems, fingers, toes, eyes crossed, that B's sleep regression is finally over! Maybe the dr was right, it was teething. Now that his 4 upper incisors are out, things seem to fall back nicely in place. His naps are better too! Hopefully this stays.

Oh and yes, happy cny!

Dr Sears Tips - Part II

4. Therapeutic Writing

When you’ve reached your wit’s end, send your high-need child out to the park with father or a freiend and sit down with your journal. Writing gives you the opportunity to examine your feelings about yourself, your parenting, and your child. It forces you to take inventory and proceed with what’s working and discard what isn’t. Journalizing helps you focus on the positive parts of your child rather than on the negative, and it enables you to see that like is getting better.

Well, here we are. Enough said.

5. BE POSITIVE

Your early feelings about having a high need child may be so full of negatives (“doesn’t sleep,” “won’t settle,” “uncuddly,” “unpredictable,” “stubborn”) that you fail to see the flowers beneath the weeds. The payoff in parenting a high need child is that beneath every apparent “negative” trait lies a positive one. Once you pick the weeds (yours and baby’s), you see a flower blossom, sometimes so beautifully you forget that pile of weeds.

To be honest, B's naps are getting so much better these days and there barely is a fight or struggle. I wouldn't even go to the extent of calling it a "negative trait". He's just a baby! He can sleep longer too. Most importantly, amidst the challenges, he's a healthy, active, happy baby. Dr Z gave the reassurance and I'm just enjoying time with him.

6. BE PATIENT

Personalities don’t change in a day. It may take months of hourly baby- mellowing to notice progress. 

We make allowances for his personality and temperament and give him time to catch up rather than pushing him to “straighten up” now. Sometimes I just resigned myself to the fact that my child cried a lot and I couldn’t always fix it, but I could at least be there.

I keep reminding myself, he's just a baby. I have to be patient with a helpless baby who can't communicate his needs yet. Crying is the only form. Patience. Zen.

Damn You Sleep Regression

Ok pardon the title, but that's the least rude word I can associate with sleep regression for now.

Imagine this: your nearly 9 month old baby has been somewhat a good sleeper, no problem going back to sleep even after waking up in the middle of the night for feeds. Then one day, boom! He's waking a few times at night, crying, not for milk, but generally whiney and fussy. If you for one second try to put him back in the cot, he goes into a crying fit even before he touches the mattress. And for the next hour or two, nothing soothe him to sleep. That my friend, is what they call a sleep regression (damn you!).

Typically presented at 4, 6, 9, 12 months,  sleep regressions happen when babies are going through some milestones like crawling, standing, walking etc. My only consolation now? I know many mothers who are going through this phase too and driving them nuts, I'm not alone. I kept wondering if I've done something wrong, well, guess it really is a phase that I hope will pass soon.

I came across this on fb shares by my friend... Be warned. I cried so hard reading it. And it made me swear that I will not lose my cool and throw my temper at a helpless baby now.

http://mp.weixin.qq.com/mp/appmsg/show?__biz=MjM5Mzk2MTQ4MQ%3D%3D&appmsgid=10016176&itemidx=2&sign=63d9ce83d11a034b1b36e79beaf4bbc4&scene=1#wechat_redirect

A Guilty Mum's Confession

B was up 10+ last night and didn't go back to sleep till almost 1... Same thing happened at 4+ and still awake at 6. I nearly turned violent on him because I tell you that boy is freakishly stubborn. Wonder where he got that from. 😒

Then my guilty conscience set in. I imagined myself in the poor darling's shoes.

"Dear Mummy,

Hi. Hiiiii -sweetest smile- You like this smile don't you? It always melt your heart you said.

I dunno why I keep waking up at nights for the last few months too. Remember those days where I could sleep till 4-5+ without waking up? Man those were shiok. I think it all started when my tooth began to cut through. Very irritating! You know how you get the feeling when your gums are sore, especially when your left wisdom tooth kept pushing through? You complained to dad how irritating and painful it was? Yeah, that was what I went through, except I don't know how to react or to let you know except to keep crying to vent my frustrations. I was sleepy yet too painful to sleep. 很痛苦你知道吗？

Maybe ever since then, my body kinda gotten use to waking up at those hours. I'm not hungry, yet you kept forcing me to drink. On good nights I can finish the 60ml you make, otherwise just 30ml to quench my thirst. Luckily I'm no longer drinking your milk and on fm instead, otherwise you will keep complaining I waste your liquid gold. 我都不想喝!

When you scolded me this morning, asking me "what the hell you want? Nobody can sleep now". I dunno either. I also didn't get much sleep. Later on you left me in my play yard alone, I was relieved. Because I really couldn't sleep! Then you came out from shower and invaded my space, held me up and squeezed me so tightly, asking me to forgive you. Of course I forgive you mummy, in fact I forgot what happened. Why were we up so early? You and daddy are all I know and used to since coming into this strange world. You make me feel relieved and comforted every time things look strange and scary. Although I missed being in your womb,it was all cozy and warm and I are whenever I felt like it.

So anyway mummy, I love you. Hope we can sleep through the nights in the coming months.

Your 心肝宝贝 signing off

Cindermama

The other night, I made plans with friends to catch up over a steamboat dinner. I haven't had steamboat in the longest time, somehow I just don't feel comfortable bringing B to a steamboat restaurant and with him, we don't have the luxury to slowly eat ad enjoy. It was also my first night out without hb or baby since he was born.

I guess why I dared doing that was the fact B's bed time is early. So technically I can leave home after he sleeps, which was my plan. Left I did, and even got there early to join in for happy hour before dinner. 

It was nice to be out with friends, it felt like what it used to feel - carefree and sometimes even reckless. More importantly, I was able to enjoy myself without worrying what b is up to because I know he's in bed. Had it been during the day, I would have behaved differently. All this whole of wanting to go out to have me-time, I finally did. Now given a choice, I much rather stay home BUT it's the knowledge that if I needed a time out, the option is there.

Cindermama left home at 7 and was back by 1015pm. And then, the whole night duty began later on like she never left.

Dr Sears Tips - Part 1

I came across this article sometime back, about Dr Sears 20 tips for parents with high needs baby. I think the tips are very applicable to all parents, regardless of their babies being high need or not.

Across the next few posts, I'll share these tips and how it has helped me changed my perspective and mentality.

Tip 1: Consider Yourself

Mothers need mothering, too. All giving and no getting will wear thin. New mothers easily recognize themselves in the scenario: “My baby needs me so much that I don’t even have time to take a shower.” It’s natural to put baby’s needs first, yet that doesn’t mean you always put your needs last. You can’t parent a draining baby if you’re drained. Next time you are on an airplane, notice how the flight attendant demonstrates the proper use of oxygen: “Put on your oxygen mask before putting on your child’s.” If you are suffocating, you are no good to your child.

How true especially in the first few weeks of your newborn's arrival! It was more difficult for me especially when I did not have a confinement lady to help me while I take a break, use the bathroom. The hell with no shower during confinement - by the time DH comes home from work, the first thing I did was to jump into the shower and wash my tiredness of the day away. Poor baby has to be latched onto a dirty, smelly and sweaty body. Now, I've learnt to take care of myself. For example, the past weekend, I was down with a cold and I took DH's advice and let him sleep in B's room so that he can take over the night duties. You see, when we have the baby monitor in our room, however slight noise B makes, I hear and jumps up while DH sometimes have no idea at all. So even if he offered to do night duty, I always wake up before him to attend to baby. So I listened and had a good night rest, though at somebody he still couldn't handle and I had to wake up, but it was good enough. I can't feed B too, so had to relinquish those duties to him while I attend to other matters or just catch forty winks. That said, it will never change that baby will always come before anything else. 

Tip 2: ALLOW BABY SOME FRUSTRATION

In your zeal to be a positive parent, it’s tempting to keep giving until you give out. During the early months babies need a “yes-mother.” Baby wants to nurse, you oblige. Baby wants to be held, you do it. Being unconditionally responsive is part of the parent-infant contract. Yet, such unconditional giving in the later months of infant care can develop into “martyr mothering” and actually interfere with your child’s ability to begin developing a sense of self and a sense of competence. Worst of all, when done through gritted teeth (because you know deep down your constant giving is no longer appropriate for baby’s age), responsive parenting deteriorates into resentful parenting. Once you know your limits, you will be motivated to find ways to get your baby to behave better, and your baby will soon get the message that life goes more smoothly with a mom who is happy.

8 months plus of being a yes-mum has taken its toil. Sometimes you just know when baby is just faking for attention or in real need of your attention. That said, I belong to the camp of mothers that believe babies are meant to be cuddled as love, crying it out will never work for me nor B. The sayings of how you will spoil your child if you give in immediately also doesn't sit well with me. The other school of thought believes you can spoil a child yet, not at this age. Babies only form of communication now is crying... Some believe that by attending to a crying baby immediately, it helps on boasting their confidence later on in life. Go with your instinct, judge if your baby genuinely needs your TLC or is just a little manja. Either way, give them a cuddle!

Tip 3: MAKE SLEEP A PRIORITY

Sleep when your baby sleeps. Nap when your baby naps. It’s tempting to “get things done” while your baby’s napping. Resist that temptation and take a nap yourself. To keep your sanity in parenting a high need child, you must make sleep and rest a priority. Martha has learned over the years that baby’s sleeptime is pure gold — much too valuable to be spent washing dishes, dusting, or even cooking. This precious recharge time was wisely put to use in ways that would make an eternal difference.

When baby naps, I see that as my opportunity to fold the clothes, wash the dishes, do the laundry, prepare dinner etc etc etc. it often tires me out coz by the time I'm done with the chores, baby's up as I can't rest. So now, I let B nap on my bed so I can nap with him. The chores can wait. Now that said, I should nap a little before he wakes up.... Zzzzzz

Ah Chooooo

Turns out B's sniffles was caused by allergic reaction rather than the common cold. Allergic to what I'm not sure but I have been letting him roam around the house rather than just restricting him to his play yard and room. He seems to fancy our carpets, which is the main culprit for trapping dust, so that could be a possible reason to his sneezing and watery eye. But I'm glad it's all over.

I've been trying to teach him "gong xi gong xi" everyday, hopefully he can master it in time for cny, which I doubt so coz everytime I try to teach him, he's completely uninterested. But babies surprise us all the time, like how he understands "give xx a kiss". I'm still beaming with pride whenever he leans in for a kiss, but what I'm not is, he kisses anyone who ask for it. Duh.

To Each His Own

I've always tried to mind my own business, afterall, to each his own isn't it?  Besides everyone is entitled to their opinion as long as you don't trample on others along the way while making your point. To be at this stage yet making insensitive remarks, no respect for others is somewhat sorry.

There could have been a series of comeback but then again, what for? I'm only just constantly amazed by the things people would do and say just to feel validated and secure. Flabbergasted is a better word. Oh just move on already.

There's Gotta Be A First

Well, the thing I've dreaded is here. B has fallen ill. He's having the sniffles and I suspected he might he caught it from me even before my symptoms appeared.

Last week, there was a day where he had fever and after 2 dosage of paracetamol given for standby in case of fever after vaccine, he was fine. I suspected it could be due to his teething.

Yesterday he kept sneezing and I saw dried mucus crust around his nose. Lo and behold, this morning it become full fledged runny nose mucous. Apart from the dripping nose, he's still his usual self, cheerful and cheeky, thank god. But my heart aches. Guess there's not much I can do except to keep spray the saline nasal spray and sucking his mucus out.

This was the third suck. Luckily B found the sucking amusing otherwise it will be a lot more difficult to remove his mucus.

My dear baby, please get well soon.

Melted Heart

My first yoga session in the new year today, have been very much looking forward to it. Not that I wanted to get away from B, but the me-time felt good and I was eager to tone up and exercise.

Anyway, after my session, I went back to a baby whose face lit up and gave me the sweetest sweetest smile to welcome me back. And I even received a kiss without much coaxing.

Oh baby, you sure know the way to mummy's heart.

Chinese New Year 2014

This year CNY is earlier than usual and I'm excited because it is B's first CNY! Sure I'm worried about having to stay out late etc, but what to do? If we can avoid staying out past his bed time, I will.

Anyway, last year I attempted to bake pineapple tarts and other goodies with a baby bump. I didn't think I will be able to bake any this year, but I actually found time to do it. Whilst I tried the enclosed tarts last year, this time round, I did the exposed ones.

Locked In

Since we moved B to his own room when he was about 3 months old, I had a nagging unease that our windows do not have grilles. Sure he's too young but something just didn't feel right. So I discussed with DH about getting the grilles installed.

Our minds were pretty much set on the invisible grilles but I did source and asked for quotes. Whilst the normal grilles are much cheaper, aesthetically I think the invisible grilles are better. 

The guys came over for the installation and it's completed except for the service yard window. tTyere goes our "outdoor balcony" but at least I have a peace of mind.

Woes of a First Time Mum

Being a mother is the most difficult thing I've been tasked with, ever.

I'd always done well in school, in extra-curriculum activities, at work. Despite my rebellious teenage years, I scored in my O Levels. Despite my hatred for my JC, I somehow ended up being the president of the club I was in. Despite not sitting for my As, I managed to do well in my diploma while working at the same time. I often top the class when doing my degree. At work, I have more often than not been recognised for my efforts, hard work and being a leader. All these, if you realise, are things within my control. 

As a mother, there are MANY things that are beyond my control. Such as baby's sleeping habits. I guess one could argue about sleep training, but unfortunately to me, it is not an option. I am sure there are many mothers out there who have successfully trained their babies and are reaping the fruit. Like I mentioned before, there are always different camps and school of thoughts.

As I was about to launch into a whole load of whiny, sob story about B's napping habits, I paused. Because I was trying to think what other problems/challenges I've faced with him, besides his naps. Seriously, there isn't. I know I'll probably jinx it by saying this but whatever, I should count my blessing and be thankful for an easy baby. He is such a happy and playful baby most of the time. The only difficult moments with him are his nap times. But this only happened after I stopped putting him in a sarong, so I guess the fault is mine.

He falls asleep easily when I'm wearing him, but I did not want it to be a habit. Again, stubborn me. What's the difference with putting him in a carrier and then put him back in the cot when he's asleep versus carrying him and rocking him to sleep, then putting him in the cot? I am so stubborn and rigid that I'm upset with myself. But, I'm trying. Really trying to let it go.

So instead of how this post was originally gonna be, complain complain complain, I think this post will serve as a reminder to me - everytime I want to complain about how tough my life is... think about how it could be worse.

Sorry baby. Mummy's been selfish and isn't doing a great job. Bear with me while I try harder.