Fantasy vs Reality

The haphazard posts of late is not because I don't have much to update, in fact, most of the time I have so much to update that I don't know where to begin. But my latest reason? I've been watching Korean drama. Sighs. I know, I know. It's been how many years since I last watched dramas, whether HK, Korea or Taiwan? It all started with chats with friends and how a friend has been watching marathon and losing sleep. I thought, should I even start? I know if I do, I will be "chasing" the drama till it ends. Well, at least my responsible mother hat was on the entire time - I only watched when B naps and when he goes to bed at night. I even wait till DH and I are done for the evening, i.e.,  finished dinner, finished being a couch potato and after we retire to bed.

The formula of these romantic dramas is still the same, but they still very much appeal to me. I'm a sucker for romance and DH often says I'm watching fantasy dramas because whatever happens in those shows won't happen in real life. I agree with him to a large extent, but does it matter if its reality or fantasy if it makes you happy for that brief moment? Anyways.

An update of B: at 13 months, he isn't doing a lot. By a lot, I mean walking or talking. He cruises most of the time but isn't standing unsupported yet. To be honest I'm not really anxious although it will be really good if he starts to walk, because we have so many places we want to bring him to that he will be able to enjoy more if he can walk. And yes most of his peers are all walking steadily, but not forgetting B is the youngest in the group.

He has limited vocabulary but will surprise you once awhile with new words. Despite not being able to talk per se, his ability to understand you is amazing. He knows when you tell him its mealtime, bedtime, shower time, reading time. So despite him being slightly slower than his peers, as his mother, I can confidently say I know his development better than anyone else and therefore, am not worried. Comments like "when do you want to start walking?" aint gonna help and aint gonna affect me in anyway.

Naps and sleep. Boy have we come a long way. I remember the days where I struggle to make him nap, resulting in him crying, me losing it and end up crying about what a long day I've had. Gone are the days where we need the carrier every nap time. Now he resists going in for sleep unless we are out.

Well, I think those days are over. These days, B takes 2 naps a day. One between 9-930am for an hour, another around 2pm for 1.5-2 hours. And the best part, all we need to do is put him in his cot. Although he does need me to sit beside him most of the time even if I'm not doing anything. As for night-time, he still wakes up but for sips of water or to look for his pacifier. In the past, when he wakes and can't go back to sleep, I have to sit beside him for 1-2 hours and it was dreadful and painful for me. But we have since found a wonderful solution. Well, not exactly wonderful and definitely not my ideal, but its something that allow me to have a good night rest. When he wakes up crying, we carry him to our room and sleep with us. The amazing thing is he falls asleep immediately and both of us get to sleep till almost 7am most days. Even if he's up early, he'll keep himself entertained and leave me alone until he really can't take it anymore. I love it because I'm getting enough sleep, and to be honest we love having him sleep with us. So hopefully we can stop this arrangement when he finally sleeps through the night alone.

Meal times - he has his moments and fair share of food and milk strike but generally doing great. On days of his strike, I've learned to become cool about it and just make sure he is hydrated and give him snacks or whatever he will eat. It usually goes away the next day. I have good rest most nights, he's eating alright, healthy and happy baby, what more can I ask for?

Bradley's Reading List

After soooo long, we finally stopped procrastinating and bought a new laptop, a MacBook no less. So here I am typing on a computer since forever. No more blogging from iPhone!

I've been meaning to write this post for the longest time, but was patiently waiting for the new orders to arrive.

When I was pregnant, I bought a few nursery rhymes books, bedtime stories and 唐诗 to read aloud every night before I go to bed. Things a FTM does. Anyway, we had a few bedtime story books ready and received a few more as gift. Here are some of Bradley's favourites:

1. The Very Hungry Caterpillar

It's the very first book we exposed him to once his day/night routine was more or less fixed, round about the 3 month mark. He likes it because he gets to flip the pages from "Monday to Friday"

2. Guess How Much I Love You & Guess How Much I Love You in the Summer

Talks about little hare and daddy hare and how much they love each other. Sweet. But B never lets me finish the book because halfway through it, he decides he wants to flip the pages.

3. Goodnight Moon

Currently his all time favourite. If he is having a tantrum in his cot during bedtime and nothing stops him, all I need to say is "Goodnight moon..... goodnight room" and he stops whatever he was doing and look at me. It is also the only book for now that he will sit through.

There are a few other Eric Carle's books like the Baby Bear, Baby Bear series that he quite enjoy too. I think its the repetition that makes the stories predictable, and hence something that he can relate better? Babies like repetition don't they? But mummy, unfortunately, don't. If reading to him is something we have to do for a long long time, then mummy gotta enjoy doing it too. I got bored from those books and can even recite some off my memories. So based off recommendations, I got a few more books at a much better deal from Books Depository. Its a UK based website, but they offer free delivery! Granted, as the books are delivered from UK, it will take a longer time to arrive. But as most of the books are considerably cheaper than what we would get off the shelves, the wait is worth it. Today, these books came in the mail:

They are look so much fun to read and I'm going to introduce them one by one. Hopefully I can stop reading Goodnight Moon soon.

Who's That Driving?

Last Friday, I had lunch with the mummies and a few of their bubs. Decided not to drive because I know lunch will definitely eat into B's nap time as I didn't want to rush home, so we took a cab to Orchard.

The last time I took B on a cab ride must have been when he was 5/6 months old. So it was all very weird for him to be in a car, not in his car seat and another strange man driving in front. He was so stiff the entire ride, not daring to move or say a word. I was surprised coz there rarely is a moment where he sits still.

B being super wary of the driver. Got to the restaurant alright and food was yum! 

B falling asleep while we took pictures. Thankfully we didn't have to wait long for a cab home, he continued sleeping for another 1.5 hrs when we got home. Yay to my Korea drama (that's for another day).

Today we braved the heat and went to the bird park. Scorching hot but otherwise ok. Moral of the story: he's still too young to enjoy these attractions. Another year perhaps?

Cutting Some Slack

As a FTM, there are so many things I learnt from mistakes. Sometimes I'm not sure if reading too much or listening to hearsay is any good.

I've been rather strict with B's bedtime routine and even his naps because "... Don't want to create a habit of doing xxx" and "get use to xxx". Lately, I've cut us both some slack. Instead of sitting in the dark, waiting for him to go back to sleep for 1-2 hours when he sometimes wake up and can't goes back to sleep, I bring him to our bed where I get to sleep and he falls asleep even faster. The bestest thing, seeing him lay in bed, then decide to snuggle and sleep in my arms. Melts my heart everytime he does it. DH witnessed it and was amazed too. I slept sweetly and B slept better too.

That's not to say routines aren't good. Because he's so used to a routine, when it's time for bed, he will take the initiative and crawl to his cot. When I say, "Bradley, bedtime already.." He crawls to his bed. "Bradley choose a book mummy read to you" he crawls to his bookshelf. "Bradley shower!" He crawls to the bathroom. Although the showering thing takes a few reminders.

All in all, I'm having fun with him and enjoying him everyday. I hope this lasts..

Survived

I did....

Not wanting to sound like Yoda, but survived I really did.

Right from the beginning I knew we will be fine. It's just when DH is around, even though I may be putting B to bed when he comes home, he helps with clearing the mess, doing the dishes...basically just cleaning up!

For these last 5 days, by the time I finished cleaning up, preparing his food etc and finally sat down for my dinner... It's almost 9. Most of the time I would have lost my appetite or hunger and couldn't even finish. It's good for weight loss ;).

Strangely, despite DH being away, our routine is pretty much the same, I feel like we have gotten closer, if that's even possible?

Now, just 12 more hours before DH is home....

Day One Without Daddy

Last night, B slept well and I was well rested. Maybe he really was unwell - he had a whole day of food strike yesterday. But I guess I'm over the stage where I try to force feed him and make us both frustrated. After umpteen futile attempts, I decided to give up. He wasn't cranky nor whining, so I guess he really just ain't hungry.

Definitely coupled with PMS, I cried so much yesterday. Mainly from the lack of sleep and that DH is away and esp traveling on a Sunday. But today, this morning, is a brand new day.

B is happy, I am happy. I'll take him out to buy more books and some flash cards after his lunch and we'll have some bonding time to make up for yesterday's terrible outburst.

Second Sunday of May

Mothers Day never used to have any meaning to me.. My family is super close and tight knitted, but we never really celebrated Mothers Day because my mum felt it was a gimmick for people to spend more money. She always said "你们孝顺，乖乖就好”。

So naturally after I became a mother, I wasn't really interested in Mothers Day either, except to extort things from DH.

Last Mothers Day was pretty fun, I was still doing my confinement, DH came home with my push present cum first Mother's Day gift. This year, I got woken up at 130am, sat beside the baby cot till 2am, pretty sure he was asleep before leaving the room. The moment I laid down and made myself comfortable, the cries came again. And this dragged on till 430am. First time ever. Towards the last hour, he cried, I cried, I went bonkers and yelled at him. Then I cried again for yelling at him. All this while DH couldn't do anything coz bb wanted me only, and I was near stabbing my eyes.

I finally took him to sleep in our bed which I never allowed in the past and we all slept till 7.. All this while being pushed off the edge by B.

I am sleep deprived, miserable, and depressed especially with DH leaving in an hour. I am extremely guilty for scolding and yelling at B. I tried so hard but the long dark nights made it really impossible to keep your cool.

Please forgive me baby, I am still working on it. 

I love you so much.

When Daddy Is Away

... Mummy and Bradley will have to take care of each other and try not to exert too much energy on each other.

Before Bradley, DH travelled a lot for work. So did I, traveling quite a fair bit on business. But everytime he went away, I feel so lonely and miss him so much. Now, I have B with me. Loneliness is gone, but I still miss him.

He will be away for a whole week in Japan. I need to find activities for B as I, which shouldn't be too tough. Last Thursday, I brought him out to HP alone and both had so much fun. Next week, we'll just have to stay home one day, go to my mum's one day, out to an indoor playground one day, lunch with a friend one day and daddy will be home! Maybe we could even go for a swim at B's favourite 姨姨 house.

12-Month Doctor Checkup

After what felt like forever, we finally went in to Dr Zainal's clinic for his 12-month checkup and MMRV jab. Just like when I was carrying him, I always looked forward to each gynae visit because I want to see him on the screen, know how much he has grown and how we are doing. Now, I need the assurance as much as I want it, that B is doing well. Need to know his weight gain, height and that his reflexes and motor skills and development are on track. 

Well, I guess we both did alright and I am super pleased with his weight gain after being stagnant at 9.4kg for almost 3-4 months. At 12 mo, B stands at 79cm and weighs 10.6kg. Dr was pretty pleased as well so that made me a happy mama. Oh, his canines are coming out.

The thing with MMR jab is the onset of fever if any, comes 3-7 days later... So now we wait.

Reality

Reality is... In this world, you don't know who you can really trust.

误把不该相信的人给予100%的信任，结果如何？或许被刺一刀也不一定。结论？敢做敢当。我愿意承认我所说过的一切，不会狡辩。

防人之心不可无。问心无愧就好。

不过，难免有点失望。