Second Sunday of May

Mothers Day never used to have any meaning to me.. My family is super close and tight knitted, but we never really celebrated Mothers Day because my mum felt it was a gimmick for people to spend more money. She always said "你们孝顺，乖乖就好”。

So naturally after I became a mother, I wasn't really interested in Mothers Day either, except to extort things from DH.

Last Mothers Day was pretty fun, I was still doing my confinement, DH came home with my push present cum first Mother's Day gift. This year, I got woken up at 130am, sat beside the baby cot till 2am, pretty sure he was asleep before leaving the room. The moment I laid down and made myself comfortable, the cries came again. And this dragged on till 430am. First time ever. Towards the last hour, he cried, I cried, I went bonkers and yelled at him. Then I cried again for yelling at him. All this while DH couldn't do anything coz bb wanted me only, and I was near stabbing my eyes.

I finally took him to sleep in our bed which I never allowed in the past and we all slept till 7.. All this while being pushed off the edge by B.

I am sleep deprived, miserable, and depressed especially with DH leaving in an hour. I am extremely guilty for scolding and yelling at B. I tried so hard but the long dark nights made it really impossible to keep your cool.

Please forgive me baby, I am still working on it. 

I love you so much.