Day One Without Daddy

Last night, B slept well and I was well rested. Maybe he really was unwell - he had a whole day of food strike yesterday. But I guess I'm over the stage where I try to force feed him and make us both frustrated. After umpteen futile attempts, I decided to give up. He wasn't cranky nor whining, so I guess he really just ain't hungry.

Definitely coupled with PMS, I cried so much yesterday. Mainly from the lack of sleep and that DH is away and esp traveling on a Sunday. But today, this morning, is a brand new day.

B is happy, I am happy. I'll take him out to buy more books and some flash cards after his lunch and we'll have some bonding time to make up for yesterday's terrible outburst.

Second Sunday of May

Mothers Day never used to have any meaning to me.. My family is super close and tight knitted, but we never really celebrated Mothers Day because my mum felt it was a gimmick for people to spend more money. She always said "你们孝顺，乖乖就好”。

So naturally after I became a mother, I wasn't really interested in Mothers Day either, except to extort things from DH.

Last Mothers Day was pretty fun, I was still doing my confinement, DH came home with my push present cum first Mother's Day gift. This year, I got woken up at 130am, sat beside the baby cot till 2am, pretty sure he was asleep before leaving the room. The moment I laid down and made myself comfortable, the cries came again. And this dragged on till 430am. First time ever. Towards the last hour, he cried, I cried, I went bonkers and yelled at him. Then I cried again for yelling at him. All this while DH couldn't do anything coz bb wanted me only, and I was near stabbing my eyes.

I finally took him to sleep in our bed which I never allowed in the past and we all slept till 7.. All this while being pushed off the edge by B.

I am sleep deprived, miserable, and depressed especially with DH leaving in an hour. I am extremely guilty for scolding and yelling at B. I tried so hard but the long dark nights made it really impossible to keep your cool.

Please forgive me baby, I am still working on it. 

I love you so much.

When Daddy Is Away

... Mummy and Bradley will have to take care of each other and try not to exert too much energy on each other.

Before Bradley, DH travelled a lot for work. So did I, traveling quite a fair bit on business. But everytime he went away, I feel so lonely and miss him so much. Now, I have B with me. Loneliness is gone, but I still miss him.

He will be away for a whole week in Japan. I need to find activities for B as I, which shouldn't be too tough. Last Thursday, I brought him out to HP alone and both had so much fun. Next week, we'll just have to stay home one day, go to my mum's one day, out to an indoor playground one day, lunch with a friend one day and daddy will be home! Maybe we could even go for a swim at B's favourite 姨姨 house.

12-Month Doctor Checkup

After what felt like forever, we finally went in to Dr Zainal's clinic for his 12-month checkup and MMRV jab. Just like when I was carrying him, I always looked forward to each gynae visit because I want to see him on the screen, know how much he has grown and how we are doing. Now, I need the assurance as much as I want it, that B is doing well. Need to know his weight gain, height and that his reflexes and motor skills and development are on track. 

Well, I guess we both did alright and I am super pleased with his weight gain after being stagnant at 9.4kg for almost 3-4 months. At 12 mo, B stands at 79cm and weighs 10.6kg. Dr was pretty pleased as well so that made me a happy mama. Oh, his canines are coming out.

The thing with MMR jab is the onset of fever if any, comes 3-7 days later... So now we wait.

Reality

Reality is... In this world, you don't know who you can really trust.

误把不该相信的人给予100%的信任，结果如何？或许被刺一刀也不一定。结论？敢做敢当。我愿意承认我所说过的一切，不会狡辩。

防人之心不可无。问心无愧就好。

不过，难免有点失望。

And So.... A Year Has Past

I guess I'm doing fairly ok. If there is a report card for parenting, I think I probably scored B for the last one year term. Did I give myself too high a grade? Maybe, but at least I deserve a B for efforts? ;) 

So his birthday is finally over. Phew. No more major party until he's much much older. I don't think he'll remember that day, but very importantly, it will be engraved in DH and my heart.

I had wanted to let him stay up late(r) but by 645pm, he hasn't had his bath and began to be a little cranky and demanded to go to bed. Lately, when he's tired of playing, he will drop everything, crawl to his bedside table where I keep his pacifier, yell for it and then crawl to his cot and asked to be let in. I'm quite lucky in this aspect that he's at this stage. His naps are getting better and I'm relying less of the carrier. Sometimes he simply refused to be restrained in it.

Lately I've been trying to teach him how to give a flying kiss (where is it all grandparents want the kiddos to do this? Is this a local thing? :) ). Instead of his palm to his mouth, he sticks his index finger and pushes his tongue out. Too funny. He can pick out Mickey, Elmo and penguin from his pool of soft toys and even said "Elmo" once. Only that very one time. Not walking yet, although he cruises around a lot. I'm not teaching him either... Lazy mum. But I am looking forward to the day he can walk because we have so many things we want to do with him and places to bring him to.

Retrospect

25.04.2013

730pm

Me: I've been having what I think is contractions leh, but quite far apart, like 10-13min. I think we better standby tonight go in the middle of night.

DH: ya, better.

Me: but if go in not contractions very pai seh leh... 

DH: it's ok la, you're scheduled to be induced anyway, if not contractions then treat it as just go in early lor...

25.04.2014

730pm

Me: ok he's finally asleep. I will take a shower first then we can have dinner. Then the fun begins!

****

24.04.2013 

10+ pm

Woken up by contractions. Seems far apart and bearable. Better go back to sleep and wait awhile more.

11+ pm

Impossible to sleep. Contractions getting stronger. Used the iPhone app to track how far my contractions. Patiently tracked for one hour before I decided they are getting close. 3-5min apart. 

26.04.2013 

1+ am

Got up to shower, woke DH up after showering and told him, "baby, I think it's time". He leaped straight up and into the bathroom

25.04.2014

8+ pm

Me: a little bit higher on the left. 

DH: can't wait to see his reaction tomorrow morning when he sees the decor.

***

26.04.2013

7+ am

Watching cna for a million times but yet I don't rem what the news of the day was. Joking with DH, one hand holding on to my hp texting my friends and relatives, another holding on to the laughing gas like my dear life

26.04.2014

7+ am

Me:" Bradley! Don't go into the kitchen. Come out here"

B: "taaaaa.... Haaaahaaa" goes to fridge and demanded to be carried and to go through our personal game with the fridge magnets

DH: I'll take him across to buy bfast.

B: GAi GAi......

26.04.2013

9am

Dr Wong arrived. So happy and relieved to see her coz I know I am in good hands.

Dr: how are u feeling? No pain management, doing well. You are 6cm now, I'm going to break your water bag.

-strange warm water gushing out-

Dr: how? Do you need epidural?

Me: erm... I don't know, should I?

Dr: I think you can do without.

Nurse: ya you are doing fine.

-looks at DH, uncertain-

Me: ok I guess I try.

***

26.04.2013

10+ am

7 cm, excruciating contraction pains. I want epidural NOW.

Nurse: hmm... Let me check you again and also if the anaesthetist is around. 

Nurse left and came back with another to check on dilation again. 

Nurse 2: your next contraction, you are going to practice pushing. We don't need this anymore. -took away my dear laughing gas-

***

24.04.2014

10+ am

DH: coming back with the balloons!

***

24.04.2013

12.29pm

After 45min of practice and actual pushing.. My love came into this world. 

***

My life has since changed completely. He has given me the best pregnancy experience, and an incredible labour process and more importantly, given me love. I cannot imagine life without him and even if it means the sleep deprivation and all the late night staring game.