When I decided to start blogging on my journey to the bump, I had semi-high hopes and was somewhat desperate. I thought I'd done anything and everything I could, but looking back, I didn't. I did buy those ovulation strips - which incidentally I still have a bunch sitting at home - but I'd only religiously used them for 1 cycle perhaps. I did buy a BBT thermometer, but for the charting to be effective, you have to take your temps every morning around the same time. Needless to say, I didn't have the discipline to wake up at 6am over the weekends just to take my temps. So, I really can't said I've tried hard enough, except to assume a particular week would be my fertile week.
When I decided to "abandon" my blog, I was absolutely demotivated. I wanted to somehow take the relaxed approach, ie "not-trying-not-preventing" way, and more importantly, not care or think about it. Tricking myself to think that this would work, since it's been proven many times by others. Unfortunately, after a few months of that, I began to feel discouraged.
Now, this blog post is probably the indication of me trying to get back to the grind again. I went to a TCM the other day - she came highly recommended by a friend. It wasn't cheap, but I got motivated to try it. A day later, a friend who's been married for awhile finally got pregnant. I felt so happy for her, but also depressed that the bun in my oven is missing.
What a whirlwind week so far. I think I know why I wasn't able to successfully conceived in the past. I have my theories. And I'm eager to change it, mainly via how I control my thoughts. I'm confident I can do it. It will happen.
Meanwhile, 20 more days of bitter chinese medicine until the next visit with the Doctor.
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