Bradley is Four Months Old

Today, B turns four months. It has been such a whirlwind four months. Not a single day past without me counting my blessings, reliving those 40 weeks of pregnancy, trying to recall how painful labour was (it's true, you forget about it!), the trying period of the first four weeks of his life and looking at the little miracle we have been blessed with.

I am so very grateful to DH for the opportunity to stay home and care for B. It is the most tedious, tiring and sometimes mentally torturing job ever, but it is also most gratifying. I surprised myself by kinda miss being in a corporate environment, but as of now, our priority is B. Having said that though, a couple f weeks back, I was so sucked into caring for him I felt myself disintegrating. What do you mean, you ask? We were getting into a routine of going to my mums place in the morning and returning home in the evening. That involves me waking up at 5 to pump, sometimes 4+ for feeding. It was so physically tiring as I often just donned on the simplest and more comfortable outfit I could grab, a tshirt and a pair of shorts. I felt like an Aunty, a 40-yo Aunty to be exact. And then I figured, "this has to change". Whilst I initially see no need in me dressing up to go to my mums, I realised if I don't, I'll be wearing oversized tees and shorts every day! It was rather scary picturing myself going down that path. So I changed. Everyday, I dressed like I'm going to work, casual Friday sorta outfit. I have my cosmetics in the baby bag just in case I decide to go out. It made me feel better almost immediately. So they say, 人靠衣装， 佛靠金装. I think this is very important for SAHMs. I have also been trying to keep up with the news, reading and keeping abreast with things happening. I'm really afraid of "disintegrating".

Right now, I've moved from pumping every 4 hourly to 6. My life is soooo much better! My timings are 5-11-5-11. It gives us more freedom to go out. My supply remains more or less the same, a slight dip but I guess it's ok. The goal is still to bf him till 6mo, if by then supply is ok I guess I'll continue. We'll see.

B is doing great, apart from his feeds. So bloody confusing. At days he drink 160ml every 3 hours, then he decides he only wants to drink 60-100, or he decides he's not hungry and will drink at 4 hours interval. I weighed him recently and he has not put on weight. I'm sure pd will say he's fine but its still a little disturbing. He's leaner as opposed to being chubby. I hope everything is ok. Can't wait till next pd visit to get the assurance.

I've also become more confident and have took B out alone on a few occasions. Will want to continue doing this otherwise both our lives are going to be mundane.