Monday, December 31, 2012

Letter to Baby - II

Bradley,

As we bid goodbye to 2012 and countdown to the new year, Mummy wants to look back the year in retrospect. 2012, what a year it has been.

I remembered entering 2012 with a "relevation" - that I wasn't going to actively try for a baby. Trying for the last 4 months had been tiring. Yes, by now you might have realised, Mummy isn't the most patient person in the world. I hope you don't take after me in this aspect. Daddy and I decided to take a break from trying and we continued our lives as DINK - dual income no kids. Life was good, but I think there was a void somewhere, somehow.

In July, Daddy celebrated his 40th birthday. I had a big party planned just for the family and a couple of close friends. It was a night of fun, no doubt I swear Dad probably can't remember much of it. Too much alcohol, too quickly and not enough food. Baby, remember this always, drinking is fine, but always know your limits and don't overdo it. Oh and also, always line your stomach before you drink and alternate with glasses of water in between. And, never, never ever drink and drive. But let's hold this conversation for 18 years later.

In August, we were originally going to do a trip to Perth and Margaret River with Aunt A, Uncle T and your two cousins. Alas, we canned the trip, but I think perhaps it was a blessing in disguise now that I look back. Daddy and I had the entire week off, so we did a little touristy stuff in Singapore, we went to Pulau Ubin, we went to Gardens by the Bay, had a drink at Ku De Ta, fine dining at Senso, brunch at Rider's Cafe, cooked a storm at home, you name it, we did it. August was a good month, there was two public holidays, National Day and Hari Raya, both long weekends.

For some strange reasons unknown, Mummy decided to POAS (pee on a stick, stick being the pregnancy test kit) on the eve of Hari Raya, a Sunday. I wasn't exactly late, but my basal temperature had been consistently high so, why not? I had one more test kit left. So peed on the stick I did, and waited for the results I did. Perhaps I wasn't used to those test strips, I stared at it for so long and thought I'd imagined a faint line. I dismantled the kit, took the strip out, and stared at it even longer. I showed it to Daddy and asked if he sees anything. "Yeah, there's a line. What does that mean?"

It's impossible. I swore I had done something wrong - maybe I hadn't peed enough, maybe I peed too much, maybe my peed drowned the result. It's just not possible. I wasn't late yet, I had no symptoms. I took a picture of the test result and sent it to my friend K. She saw the line and said congrats. I didn't want to pin too high hopes. Later that night, Daddy and I went to buy 2 more test kits. I couldn't sleep at all that night, all I did was wait for morning to come so I could test again. When dawn finally came, the word "pregnant" also flashed on the digital test kit. Baby, the happiness overwhelmed and consumed me. One day, I hope you can share this feeling of joy with your significant other.

The rest, is history. September came and I celebrated my 28th birthday. It was extremely low key with Daddy on a business trip. But somehow, it was my best birthday. You were my best birthday present. I couldn't have asked for more. Now, as I sit here and type this letter to you, feeling your constant kicks and looking at my tummy moves with each of your movements, I'm overwhelmed again with emotions. What a year it has been, from trying to conceive, to taking a break, to successfully conceiving you, to seeing you on the ultrasound screen, feeling your movements, it is all worth it, my love. You have no idea how special you are. Without being born yet, you've taught Mummy and Daddy to love deeper again, a love we never knew existed. You've taught us what is responsibility and more importantly, family ties. Always remember, you will hold a very special place in our hearts and you are indeed a gift from heaven that we will always cherish.

12 more hours to 2013, it will be a great year my love. You will be great.

Love,
Mummy.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Counting Down to 2013

I have not been updating as much as I like, but these days, it's been really... calm. Nothing out of the ordinary, and I can't possibly be gushing in every post about how B's been kicking. I'm really just enjoying the pregnancy as much as I can, and enjoying bonding with him.

As with our yearly traditions, we had Xmas dinner at my sis'. Her ability to cook for 20 people is amazing.



And as for us, we always have our little "family tradition" on Christmas. Just DH and I, with some home cooked food. Previous years, it's always roast chicken, this year I decided to try something else. One of my favourite dish, duck confit. I did the cheat version, only letting the duck marinate for 24 hours and then cooking it for 3 hours. The original duck confit I believe takes 2-3 days to make.


A few more days left to relax at home, knit and come up with dinner menus. Come next Wednesday, I'll be back at work with no more excuse that our team had a great year in 2012. All good results will be wiped clean and we have to start all over again. But on a high note, 2013 IS going to be a great year with baby on the way.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

New Hobby

I've taken up knitting recently. A colleague taught me. It's really fun and addictive, but you need to be patient. I've wasted quite a lot of yarn in the beginning, and now that I'm finally getting a hang of it, it's extremely rewarding to see the shape of whatever you're knitting form.

I've been told to start with a scarf as a beginner, as there isn't any fanciful shape - just repeating the stitches until you reached your desire length. I lost count of how many times I've re-done it, but the present one, although with a few mistakes, is what I will be sticking with for awhile.


Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Detailed Scan

Also anomaly scan, typically offered to mothers at around 20-24 weeks, to check baby's vital organs are developing well, and mother's placenta is at the right place. We took the day off and set out bright and early in excitement.

As with most of the other scans we've did so far, it always involves waiting. We waited for about an hour, but considering we were early 30 minutes. The room we were in for the scan only had a monitor, so the sonographer was kind enough to explain that she'll probably need about 20 minutes to take all the measurements, before turning the screen to me and run me through the various scans she did.

First thing she asked was if we already knew the gender and if we wanted her to reconfirm. But of course! She said, "your baby is definitely not a shy little boy". His legs were wide open for her to see. Too bad I missed the scene. If it was done in another room with the overhead monitor, it would have been ideal, or even at Dr W's clinic.

DH managed to make out certain things on screen - like how B was clenching and opening his fists, and halfway through, his face, and I felt so left out. But best to let the sonographer do what she needs and not complain. Finally, when she needed to check his face, lips and nose,  B decided to be shy. He covered his face with his left arm and not much could be seen. I had to be turned, prodded and made to cough, but he was pretty stubborn. So much for saying he wasn't shy! This little guy already has character. But, but, but, when the sonographer turned the screen to me and said, you see, he's covering his face and I am unable to see clearly, it was at that moment, he briefly lifted his hands and everyone went, "now!". I would love to think B did it for me, and in that brief moment, I saw his peaceful face and the time just stopped. It made everything I've gone through worth it - the agony of trying to conceive, the pains and aches involved during pregnancy... every bits of it are well worth it.

Happy to report that the results of the scan was very positive, everything looks fine and B is growing well. He's now too long to be measured by crown to rump, but would probably be about 20 cm now, and a healthy weight of 416g! I have put on the weight I've lost across the last 4 months and am now back to my pre-pregnancy weight. Next appointment, 14 January!


Monday, December 10, 2012

Halfway Mark

We're getting there, 20 weeks already!

If it weren't for Dr W. being on vacation, we would have been scheduled to do the detailed scan this week. But because she's away, it got pushed to next Monday. Which works out fine as DH had to travel the whole of this week too.

Speaking of DH being out, its funny how I still feel lost and emotional when he's gone. Last night, he didn't have to leave home till 11pm and as I watched his back as he walked off, I couldn't help but tear up. It's been 6 years already! And I still feel this way. The only difference these days is, I don't feel alone anymore. The fact that I'm carrying B makes all the difference.

DH, on the other hand, feels worse than before, having to leave me alone at home. He gets a little paranoid that I'm unable to take care of myself. Love it when he sends me smses like "missing my two babies". Awwwww.

On Saturday, we were out and about, doing some Christmas shopping. One of the escalators at the mall weren't working, and we had to climb up the steps. By the time I reached the top, I was out of breath, and all of a sudden, I felt cold sweat, saw stars and wanted to puke. I also thought I might have peed in my pants. It took me about 10 minutes to recover, but boy that 10 minutes felt like eternity. I wasn't sure what happened, but I'm thinking the light-headedness might have something to do with heart pumping more blood. I did not pee in my pants, thankfully, but it was a gush of discharge. When I did get to check it out, turns out there was a small spot of blood. But I wasn't worried this time round, I think it was due to the sudden "cardio activity". Looks like my body is getting weaker, time to hit the swimming pool again I guess.

Next week my dear, we'll meet again! Meanwhile, keep those kicks and punches coming in strong and hard, I'm loving it.


Monday, December 3, 2012

19 Weeks Thoughts

As I enter 19 weeks, my emotions are overdriving, but they are mostly good. I feel so blessed every single day, and I feel loved most importantly. Loved by my hubby, family and friends.

Every time we climb up or down flights of stairs, DH will annoyingly stop in front of me and hold my hand. I say annoyingly because it makes me feel imbecile. I always tell him, "I'm pregnant, not handicapped". But deep down, I feel so loved and appreciative. Although he nearly tripped the other day and I said to him, "don't drag me along if you fall!".

My family, asking me all the time how I feel. Mum brewing tonics and birds nest, cooking my favourite dishes. Nieces curious about pregnancy cravings and baby bump. Colleagues offering to carry things for me. It's nice being the centre of attention, but my centre revolves around the little mango covered in cheese like substance, measuring about 14cm at this point in the pregnancy.

Everything B kicks me, no matter how hard or soft, how sudden it is, I feel love. Love for the little life in me. How is it possible I ask myself all the time. I'm surprised at the love that I'm capable of that is beyond what I'm familiar or used to. Each kick is a reminder that he's real and a reminder of how our lives will be so very different in about 4 months time. 4 months!!

I had a little scare last week, something that is kinda traumatizing to recount again but I'm glad to say it was a false alarm and all is good. B's doing great and growing well. I even got to see him and his acrobatic actions on the ultrasound. Dr W mentioned he's an active baby and I beamed with pride.

Baby bump wise, I'm still not that big which I'm totally fine with it now. I think I was worried at first if baby was growing ok, especially since my tummy certainly wasn't. But hey, maybe all those months spent at the gym doing crunches and ab exercises was worth it - it toned up my tummy muscles, right? Have a look.


On a separate note, I think we're done with buying baby clothes for B! My colleague who gave me some maternity wear packed 3 bags full of baby clothes that her son outgrew. Even cute little booties, shoes, caps, PJs, onesies. Bless.....


With these, and the ones that my sisters bought from US, AND a few I bought online with a friend who was consolidating orders, B has even clothings to last till he's 12 months I think!