Saying is Believing

Seeing is believing is no longer enough.

I've seen my little one on the ultrasound. It's the most incredulous feeling, but, it ain't enough.

I've been spending time bonding with baby, to recommendations of friends and the book What To Expect When You're Expecting. With my hand over my belly, I tell baby what a great job she's doing, that I'm so proud of her and that we love her very much. In the beginning, it sounds so stupid. But as I keep talking to baby, it becomes more real that we have created a life and its residing in me. It's overwhelming.

Referring myself to "mummy" makes me giggle. Me? Mummy?

Yes, I think it sounds about right now.

PITA... Pain In The Ass

Considered yourself warned. This is not a post about how I'm gushing about my little one.

Pregnancy can literally be a pain in the ass.

What used to be a smooth process is now hard and painful. Puns intended.

Sighs... 

Say Hello to the Flickering Light

So the day finally came. The big day of our first prenatal appointment and first meeting with our baby. I've been so tensed up over this day and couldn't wait for it to come sooner. The 'what-ifs' keep popping into my mind - what if doctor sensed something is wrong? What is doctor can't detect the heartbeat? What if there isn't a baby afterall?

After 3 weeks of waiting, I can finally breathe.

We waited for almost 45 minutes till our turn to see the doctor. As usual, Dr W is so friendly and smiley that she puts me at ease instantly. When she said, "ok let's go and have a look!", I think my heart skipped a beat. And one thing happened after another, I was going through motion. "Leave your bag here, remove your shoes, pull your pants down a little, lie here..". I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move, all I did was stare at the screen in front of me. Please, please, please let there be a heartbeat.

I figured the first thing the gynaes usually do is to look for the heartbeat, as that was the first thing she said, "there's the heartbeat". I couldn't see or hear anything after that. All I know was this little flickering light was flickering at a fast, constant speed and nothing else mattered at that point. I cried tears of relief. DH looked at me and smiled. Dr W continued to move around, looking for the best position to take the crown to rump measurement, checking the water bag and its surrounding. It was over before I know it, the nurse whisked me up. I pouted internally, I still want to see my flickering light.

But, it's an image I will never ever forget.

Where is the Glow?

So where exactly is this pregnancy glow or radiance?

Across the last 3 weeks, I've had many people (mostly colleagues) coming to me asking if I'm fine and that I looked tired. Granted, I do feel tired by the end of the day, but usually during the day, I feel alright. Those comments have prompted me to line my eyes thicker and touch up my red lippy often.

The first big prenatal appointment is this Thursday, we will be 7 weeks 4 days I think. As much as I've been looking forward to this day since I tested positive, I'm worried and nervous. I try to shun away from negative thoughts and concentrate on what an amazing job the little one is doing in the uterus.

Morning sickness (ms) is mostly manageable - it doesn't really happen until after lunch. The hours between 1230 to 530pm are worst, but manageable. I only feel nauseated, and no actual vomiting. Appetite is poor, and fortunately, I have no food cravings. I've had more cravings pre-pregnancy.

Looking forward to meeting the little one on Thursday.

When Life Throws You Lemon...

When DH and I got married in 2006, we made it clear that we want no kids. Just the two of us.

One day, AF came late and we panicked. But no, we weren't pregnant. We thought we should be relieved, but it turned out we were extremely disappointed. I felt like I lost something that I didn't even had in the first place. That was the first time we thought, "hey, maybe we do want kids".

Fast forward a few years later, I've completed my 3-year course, I've changed jobs and settled into a new one. Last August, we decided to start trying.

You would have thought trying means to use no contraception/protection. No, there's a small window when you are fertile. Even if you meet that window, it doesn't guarantee a pregnancy.

Given, we weren't doing it as often as we needed to. I wasn't sure when my ovulation will take place. It was a give-and-take kinda thing. I got frustrated after 6 months, and decided not to try anymore. We took a 3-month break.

Suddenly, a dear friend got pregnant, someone at work recommended a TCM practitioner to me, I changed my mindset and outlook of life and what I want to achieve, said friend's pregnancy failed, another friend got pregnant, I got angry.

All these happened in less than 2 months.

But I've always believe things happen for a reason, as cliche as it may sound. With a clear and stable mind, I'm probably mentally ready.

That said, I'm pleased to share that LadyInWaiting is no longer waiting to get pregnant. She's waiting to the day she meets the little one in her.

Whilst I was a little hesitant in blogging about this, 'm only 6 weeks now, the incessant negativity in me is driving me nuts. I need a place to rant and get over my fear and wait patiently for my first prenatal appointment with the doctor.

This is, afterall, my journey to the bump.

Sweet Dreams are Made of This

I finally thought of what I want as my birthday gift next month. I shall drop the bomb on DH.

This morning, he told me he had a loooong dream. He dreamt that a baby kept following us. In that dream, he couldn't tell if it was a baby girl or boy. Baby fell asleep in my arms eventually.

I guess DH wants this as badly as I do.

A Blissful Week

The whole of last week was godsend. Maybe it was a good idea that we canned the Aussie trip. But to be out of the country might have been better. Anyhow, I have not slept in for the longest time. Last week, I got up everyday at close to 1030am! I'm just surprised I didn't have any difficulty getting up and hitting the gym this morning.

Maybe it was my mind telling me that I somehow need to drag myself to the gym with all the feasting last week. I cooked quite a bit during our week off, and it was so much fun.

Proscuitto Cups

I've made wanton cups in the past before, with shrimps and minced meat toppings. But saw this recipe online and decided to try. Because I've returned my muffin trays to my sister, and the ones I originally owned were huge, the proscuitto wasn't large enough to form a cup per se, it was pretty darn tasty for happy hour munchies.

Apple Crumble

Our friends invited us for dinner and she made this lovely apple crumble. I got inspired and went searching for a recipe. I never liked apples but the combination of apples and cinnamon is absolutely divine. I'm still trying to figure out how to make it less... crumbly.

From top anti-clockwise: spaghetti vongoles, grilled peppers, oven-baked ribs

Call me a copycat, but whenever I taste something delicious, I always get inspired to try it and add my own flavour to it. I had this beautiful pasta at my sis' and really wanted to try it. Pasta is the hubs specialty but i wanted to give it a try. A small teaspoon of chilli flakes and a quick drizzle of truffle oil makes it so divine. 

I'm also still trying to perfect the ribs. There are too much charred bits, which I usually love. But I don't think our guests would like it?

Non-baked strawberry cheesecake

The batter, is simply put, to die for. I've had yet another inspiration stemmed from this dessert and can't wait to try it when we next have guests over.

Paella

Towards the end of our holiday, we were getting a little depressed about heading back to work. I wanted to do something different, something I'd never think of trying. The hubs wanted me to do the pasta again, but I don't like to have the same dish consecutively. God knows where and how "paella" somehow floated into my mind and I went on Jamie Olivier's website to see if he has the recipe. He has the bestest and easiest recipes for the most complicated looking dish. There were many negative comments on his website on how this ain't authentic paella, he shouldn't even call it paella.. etc etc. But seriously, for an amateur cook like me, I don't really care if its authentic or not, as long as it taste good! And boy, all I can say is, when the Hubs tasted it, he said he's considering letting me be a full time housewife. This, coming from a man who always wanted me to work (asshole!).